my first mistake
By Janet Hodgson 16/06/2020
In those first earlier days, I made lists as to what I would endeavour to do, planning times and topics. Oh, what a mistake – well for me anyway. Some may thrive off such lists, but for me, it was like a law. As soon as we began to stray from the predicted path, or run behind schedule, I turned into a bull chasing a red rag. The pressure in my mind to conform to the ‘schedule’, which was purely self-inflicted, was so compelling. It made me turn into a kind of frenzied animal as if driven and hurried along amongst a herd of cattle. So our beginning was soon tainted by a display of my flesh which got the better of me! My system was obviously not working for us, and so like an architect’s first draught, the list was tossed into the bin.
I still used guidelines, goals and timetables. Nevertheless, the schedules were loose so that if we strayed into a bye way that was fascinating us, we could enjoy the exploration of territory which engulfed mind and imagination. We could now linger there as long as we wished. There was no noisy, exasperated mother pushing and shoving. I did not get stressed about missing a point on the timetable, trying to go full steam ahead uphill when the tracks were veering away to another destination.
This severing from a rigid, timed list brought us peace. We were free to follow unknown paths which just turned up; free to pursue our routines unchained; not bound to them by a law which stifled creativity and curiosity. So, the demise of the list was liberating.